Resenting Mom

         My mother will turn 86 this December. She is in a care facility, and unfortunately, I am her only consistent weekly visitor.  I love Jesus, my family, my country, my friends and even strangers. I consider myself a kind, compassionate person. So…why do I resent my mother? Why do I resent it every time (well, not EVERY time) that I’m heading over for my weekly visit with her?
        I ponder this perplexity frequently. She wasn’t a mean or neglectful mother. I can’t say I was ever close with her as some mother-daughter relationships are close. She was closer to my sister who is nine years younger than me. I have three brothers, the two younger passed from this earth when they were adults, and it seemed Mom was always closer to the three younger siblings, especially my sister. That could be because my brother and I left home when we were very young. I married at sixteen and he went into the Army at seventeen.
        Visiting Mom is an emotional drain for me. She cries, she begs me to take her home with me, nothing about the care facility makes her happy and somehow she makes me feel guilty about this, and the fact that my brother and sister seldom visit her.  My sister has valid reasons for infrequent visits, but my brother does not.  His simple explanation is that it hurts him to see Mom like that.
        In my ponderings, I’ve acknowledged certain things, like how both my sister and older brother have gotten monetary blessings from my mom while I got nothing, how whenever I tried to tell Mom on numerous occasions that Jim, her third husband (both my dad and her second husband died), was only after her money and would leave her once the money was gone, she would hang up on me and accuse me of not caring or wanting her to be happy. (he did dump her once he’d drained and run through all her money and assets) Or the time she called to tell me she had sold the small piece of land that was my inheritance in her will because Jim wanted her too, and I started crying and telling her that she cared more about Jim than her own children, she hung up on me. Or all those times she did whatever Jim asked her to regardless of what we kids said or warned her about and she blew us off.
        I’m not a greedy person, so why do these things bother me so much? I need to move on, and not let it bother me when Mom whines about how her “people,” her family don’t come around, and I want to scream, “You didn’t care about any of us when you were with Jim!”

Sometimes I feel so petty and small!

Death of a Son

Last week my husband and I stayed at a lovely cabin in the mountains past the city of Prescott, AZ. We live in hot Phoenix. The weather in Phoenix is warm, hot , hotter and hell-fire hot, so a week in the cooler climate of the mountains is so refreshing for us. Did I say my husband has to paint while we’re there? He’s a painter and our friends hire him every year to treat (paint) the log cabin structure.

But my post is not about this beautiful, luxurious 2500 sq ft cabin, it’s about our friends that own the cabin. I won’t use their real names, so I’ll call them Mike and Martha. Mike and Martha aren’t extremely wealthy but they are fairly well off. They own about 15 or so popular fast-food chains. Besides the cabin, they own a beautiful home, and truly have no financial worries. God has blessed them because they are such generous, caring people. They are involved in feeding the homeless every week as well as other philanthropist endeavors. They are also good Christians.

They have three grown sons and several grandchildren. A few weeks ago their oldest son was shot and killed by his wife. She was arrested for 1^st degree murder. There has been widespread media coverage not only because of the crime involved but because his parents, our friends, own those fast-food chains and are considered philanthropists.

Throughout this horrendous ordeal, their faith in God has not been shaken. Many other Christians, family and friends have gone to minister to them and encourage them, yet they leave encouraged. One of Mike’s favorite sayings is “Are you fired up?”  (meaning: are you fired up for Jesus).

Mike and Martha have retreated to their mountain cabin more often than they normally do just to escape the media probing. Our week at the cabin had been set up before the tragedy happened, and when my husband offered to postpone it, they insisted we go. Not only that, they checked in frequently to make sure we were enjoying our stay and to ask if there was anything they could do for us.

I am so humbled by them. They exemplify faith and trust in our sovereign God. Mike and Martha, you’re my heroes.

To Unfriend or Not Unfriend

Have you ever had to, or felt you needed to, unfriend someone on facebook?  I did that this week, and have been feeling sad and remorseful about it since then. I've never unfriended anyone before. I have unsubscribed to someone's (in fact several) posts because of the language they use or the content that is unwholesome.  I don’t want to unfriend them because I pray that my posts will touch them, and be a testimony to the faithfulness of God.

People who know me know that I am a Christian and as such, I am a conservative. The girl I unfriended is dating one of my sons, and she’s extremely liberal and is either an atheist or agnostic. (I’m not sure she knows what she is.)  That’s perfectly fine with me, but recently when I hit “share” on facebook about a conservative article, she attacked me in her comments. The first time my only response was “I can post what I want.”  Her response was something about me posting bald-faced lies. (It was an article from Fox News about the Navy Seal who wrote the book about Bin Ladin’s death.)

So, I just to let it go. But it did make me hesitant about sharing a post about anything else conservative. However when I shared about Ann Romney’s speech at the RNC, this girl attacked me again in her comments. My response “B****y, I ignore your posts. Please extend me the same courtesy.”  She jumped all over that.  My husband said to unfriend her and I did.

I am 64 years old! Seriously, what makes a young 20 something assume she can get in my face in a militant attitude and I’m going to change my beliefs for her? It was disrespectful, to say the least. Not only that, I’ll not be bullied about sharing my views.

Do schools and parents not teach respect for your elders? I try to treat others with kindness and courtesy. I expect to be treated the same. I am not a militant posting about my religious or political views. But on the occasion that I do, I shouldn’t be attacked.

**did not disclose girl's full name